********** THERMODYNAMICS OF HELL **********
( Changing Weather Conditions in Hell )

The following is an actual question given on a University of South Carolina chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

QUESTION:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
(Or, Is the Weather in Hell getting Hotter or Cooler?)

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law. (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following proof.

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that:

• Once a soul gets to Hell,
• It will not leave.
• Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

• Since there is more than one of these religions, and
• Since people do not belong to more than one religion,
• Then, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

First possibility:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
2. Then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
3. All Hell Breaks Loose.

Or

Second possibility:
1. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
2. Then the temperature and pressure will drop until
3. Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

• If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year,
  "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and
  
• Take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her,
  
• Then the second possibility above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."
  
  THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".